Susan Sontag wrote a brilliant book about cancer-shaming decades ago. An idea popularized by Norman Mailer, it boiled down to this: getting cancer was a sign of some deep psychological dysfunction, usually repression of sexuality or something like that. Until I read her, I feared being diagnosed with cancer would be a kind of spiritual death warrant and proof of a badly damaged psyche. Now I have low-grade leukemia and I don't think it has spiritual origins. The reason I tell you this is because Covid-shaming strikes me as comic and absurd after all those decades of high-IQ cancer-shaming. And, believe me, there was some mighty minds among the cancer shamers like Wilhelm Reich. So rest easy. By the way, I swore my second booster shot GAVE me Covid because the reaction felt like flu. It wasn't. But I had one miserable night of leg cramps, brain fog and arm soreness.
Yuck, I hate the idea of blaming people for their illness but it has deep roots in our broken societal attitudes that mistake "wellness" for virtue. Your cancer has nothing to do with your psyche. Glad you got your second booster! I felt the same as you after my booster, I had fever and body aches that were all-consuming.
Fantastic essay. So well said. I share many of the same thoughts and feelings. I'm resentful of the constant culture wars and more resentful that we are so splintered that we are unable to share the same factual reality. I keep busy with many mindless tasks to ward off a pessimistic, depressing view of where we are heading. I found two plus years of virtual isolation is taking a toll not just on me but on all of us. I have to work hard at finding peace and preserving it, and making that the goal I strive for. I miss my sometimes pre-covid playfulness. I hate having negative internal feelings of anger at the "denyers" and "non-compliers". I know with 100% percent certainity that I never want to hear the work "woke" again. In my rebellious,- hippish - years of demonstrations and self-righteous idealism, I never imagined that the final episode of my life would feel so weighed down.
Thanks for reading! I hear you. These two years have taken a toll we're only now beginning to understand and that we'll be unpacking for the next decade at least. Glad you are working hard at finding peace. It's a difficult but worthy pursuit for us all. And the media environment we occupy makes it twice as hard.
The poet Gary Snyder once wrote to his Zen Master decades ago in pre-NRA times to tell him he had bought a 22 shotgun and would kill anyone who tried to harm his family. His master wrote back: "Survival is vastly overrated." Try to be content with beating your feet on the Mississippi mud but don't try to swim across that mighty river. No river wants to drown you or me. But a lot of frightened people believe that its sole purpose is to overflow its banks and threaten existence. I've given up trying to change anybody but myself.
Thank you, Amy, for sharing what you're feeling - it's spot on. We are all human in the end, and COVID teaches us that. I hope you feel better soon. You are such a gifted writer. Keep on.
Susan Sontag wrote a brilliant book about cancer-shaming decades ago. An idea popularized by Norman Mailer, it boiled down to this: getting cancer was a sign of some deep psychological dysfunction, usually repression of sexuality or something like that. Until I read her, I feared being diagnosed with cancer would be a kind of spiritual death warrant and proof of a badly damaged psyche. Now I have low-grade leukemia and I don't think it has spiritual origins. The reason I tell you this is because Covid-shaming strikes me as comic and absurd after all those decades of high-IQ cancer-shaming. And, believe me, there was some mighty minds among the cancer shamers like Wilhelm Reich. So rest easy. By the way, I swore my second booster shot GAVE me Covid because the reaction felt like flu. It wasn't. But I had one miserable night of leg cramps, brain fog and arm soreness.
Yuck, I hate the idea of blaming people for their illness but it has deep roots in our broken societal attitudes that mistake "wellness" for virtue. Your cancer has nothing to do with your psyche. Glad you got your second booster! I felt the same as you after my booster, I had fever and body aches that were all-consuming.
Fantastic essay. So well said. I share many of the same thoughts and feelings. I'm resentful of the constant culture wars and more resentful that we are so splintered that we are unable to share the same factual reality. I keep busy with many mindless tasks to ward off a pessimistic, depressing view of where we are heading. I found two plus years of virtual isolation is taking a toll not just on me but on all of us. I have to work hard at finding peace and preserving it, and making that the goal I strive for. I miss my sometimes pre-covid playfulness. I hate having negative internal feelings of anger at the "denyers" and "non-compliers". I know with 100% percent certainity that I never want to hear the work "woke" again. In my rebellious,- hippish - years of demonstrations and self-righteous idealism, I never imagined that the final episode of my life would feel so weighed down.
Thanks for reading! I hear you. These two years have taken a toll we're only now beginning to understand and that we'll be unpacking for the next decade at least. Glad you are working hard at finding peace. It's a difficult but worthy pursuit for us all. And the media environment we occupy makes it twice as hard.
The poet Gary Snyder once wrote to his Zen Master decades ago in pre-NRA times to tell him he had bought a 22 shotgun and would kill anyone who tried to harm his family. His master wrote back: "Survival is vastly overrated." Try to be content with beating your feet on the Mississippi mud but don't try to swim across that mighty river. No river wants to drown you or me. But a lot of frightened people believe that its sole purpose is to overflow its banks and threaten existence. I've given up trying to change anybody but myself.
Thank you, Amy, for sharing what you're feeling - it's spot on. We are all human in the end, and COVID teaches us that. I hope you feel better soon. You are such a gifted writer. Keep on.
Peggy Jo, thank you so much for reading—and thank you doubly for the kind words.